BURGERSNWHISKEY

SOMETHING'S COOKING...

2010-10-18T23:06:00.000-07:00

in my little pot. it's been ages since i've written a post, and for a good reason. i'm almost there. slowly but surely it's all coming together. just a little peekarooskis at what i'm cooking up. (no pun intended).

***

***the giant maize, vintage cream nut, and my awkward photo poses have nothing to do with my special life project. i just thought they were inappropriate and uneccessary. just the reason i included them.

CHANGE OF SCENERY.

2010-08-02T12:59:00.001-07:00

I haven't written ANYTHING during the past month of July. I don't know what I can blame it on. Lack of time (not really)...lack of inspiration (not really)...lack of resources (not really)...lack of energy (possibly)...lack of me (ding). It's August now. We're more than halfway through 2010. I regrettably looked over my resolutions and need to make up for some lost time. I must say, I've finally figured out a lot of things, begun making progress on some of those things, but there's still much more to be done.

Next week, I won't be sitting behind a desk anymore, who knows if I'll make any money, but it's a change. Could be I'm making a mistake, or I'm making headway, yet I'll never know. It's better than just being "stuck". I'm scared, I'm nervous, I'm scared, but I'm not stuck. Two things to remember:

"Jump off the cliff and build wings on the way down."

&

"If i’m going to be alive, I might as well be incredible. I want to do more than just exist.”

IN A

2010-07-26T11:19:00.000-07:00

How do I get out?

DIRTY DICTION.

2010-06-25T14:11:00.000-07:00

Who coined this term? And what correlates "shits" to "giggles"? When i do doodoo, i sure don't giggle. Well, maybe if I ate some of this.

HAIR TODAY, GONE TOMORROW.

2010-06-23T10:23:00.000-07:00

This morning, I combed my hair furiously, sprayed dry shampoo into it, and called it a day. My hair's been thinning as of late, and I'm scared. I don't want to be bald by 30. I came across this ad, and it made my hair woes vanish. Let me get summadat. (yes I said 'dat).

Hey boy Heyyyyyyy.

*edit: ew gross ew. i just realized this looks like my dad's highschool picture. haha. ew gross ew.

CASUAL FRIDAYS.

2010-06-18T13:53:00.000-07:00

Cause you know, i always hang out with my girls with my nips out. durr.

BROKE-ASS STUART.

2010-06-16T12:06:00.000-07:00

My day typically starts, lingers, and ends on Google Reader. I have 230492384897239487234876123874618273461230948209384 RSS feeds, and I DO read every single post. I'd say my reader follows 1% Design-Related Blogs, 1% Fashion-Related Blogs, and the skimpy 98% left is dedicated to FOOD-RELATED BLOGS. Everything and anything related to FOOD. Restaurant openings/closings, chef bios, brewing techniques, sustainable farming techniques, foraging tours, ice cream machinery, and more. However, when it comes to food, I tend to eschew the hoighty toighty, fancy panties type of crap. There's a lot of stink about formalities (i.e. Michael Bauer) that are just a turn off. Thankfully, there's Stuart. Hands down tell-it-like-it-is writer. SO HILARIOUSO.

I.E.
Silver Crest Donut Shop: I’ve been wanting to visit the Silver Crest ever since I first heard about it. Any place that’s a 24 hour diner/donut shop/dive bar (the bar isn’t 24 hours) sounds a lot like heaven. Considering I got to go there while still alive, I feel like I’ve cheated the both the devil and god somehow.

From the second Monica, Kelly and I stepped out of the car and into the glow of the neon sign, we knew this place was special. The current owners bought the Silver Crest in 1970 and renovated it, making everything brand new. They literally haven’t changed a single thing since then. The walls are wood paneling and the counter tops are blue formica with actual working mini jukeboxes on them. You know that kind I’m talking about; you feed them a quarter, pick a song, and the music plays through the big main jukebox. And here, a quarter gets your three songs. Eat a dick internet jukeboxes around the world.

When the three of us sat down at the bar, one of the other patrons, possibly homeless, approached us with a power strip, “Wanna buy this?” he asked, “you can plug lots of things in it.” We all turned down his generous offer but Kelly still gave him a buck towards his next beer. Then the proprietor came up with three glasses and poured us each a shot of ouzo, on the house. When I asked if he was Greek, he gestured towards everyone in the bar and said, “We are all Greek.” I looked around the bar. Everyone was black. I looked back at the owner, “Outside maybe we’re all different, but in here we are all Greek.” I agree with his kind of utopian vision: $3.50 beers, free shots of ouzo, and Bobby Bland on the jukebox is something I’ll sign up for. As for the donuts, I’ll leave those for the guy selling the power strip.

via: INSIDESCOOPSF
my idol.

CRUEL INTENTIONS.

2010-06-10T09:50:00.000-07:00

I tried something different at work this morning. I tried to be nice. See, there's a person I really don't like in the office (aside from the other ones I don't like), but I really don't like this one. I saw her this morning and told her there were donuts in my department, and offered her one. But now that I think about it in retrospect, it was a pretty bitchy thing for me to do. Because she really doesn't need anymore donuts. I mean, really doesn't need anymore.

Damnit, I did it again. This "nice" thing is harder than I thought.

*edit: From a moral perspective, would it be rude if I offered her a carrot? She probably wouldn't accept with the same vigor she did with the donut, but is that rude? Tell me. How bout a beet?

MSF.

2010-06-06T17:47:00.000-07:00

Went to the very last night of Mission Street Food. Cannot wait for CommonWealth to open up, so I can have that PB&J (pork belly & jicama) EVERYDAY.

HOG ISLAND.

2010-06-06T17:11:00.000-07:00

Who says raw oysters for breakfast isn't appetizing?? Add some smoked sausage/roasted corn/salad/brie/baguette/smoked gouda/sauvignon blanc/perrier/greens/fresh baked cookies/lots of hot sauce/lots of roasted garlic...and it's the breakfast of champions. or that of overachieving eaters.

(dont ask, don't tell)

HAPPYJOY 052410

2010-05-24T14:55:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning feeling like poop. So I didn't go to work. And I got better. I attribute my newfound health and exuberance to this.

Thanks, Al.

A NICE SURPRISE.

2010-05-23T23:33:00.000-07:00

Last week, the boyfriend surprised me with a birthday trip to Hawaii. Nice. Very Nice. I wish it were my birthday EVERY weekend.

HELLO KITTY X GIRL

2010-05-21T10:31:00.000-07:00

SUPA CUTE.

I tried riding a skateboard when I was a kid. It was a failure. My sister, on the otherhand made it a true hobby of hers until she was 6. That is, until the accident. No, she didn't eat it, trip, fall, or hurt herself on account of lack of skill. It wasn't even her fault. It was mine.

She was 6, I was 10. I got bored jumping rope, and coerced her into letting me pull her around the block while she skated. She said, "FASTER, FASTER!" and so I went. I ran hella hard and pulled her. I thought she said "FASTER, FASTER!" again, but it was the neighborhood kids yelling at me. I thought they were egging me on, so FASTER FASTER I went. Everyone ran over and waved their arms at me. I waved back.

I turned around to see if my sister could handle my speed, only to see that I was dragging her face on the concrete. Oops.

I immediately ran and told my mom my sister got in an accident. I failed to mention it was really my fault that the left side of her face was scraped off. Oops. Again. Since then I laid off pulling skating people with my jumping rope.

But that was years ago, before the HELLO KITTY X GIRL deck dangled itself in front of me. Who wants to play??!! ;)

via: LADYLIKE

TGIF.

2010-05-21T08:18:00.001-07:00

Since I came back from my mini vacation (thanks Alex!), I've been wallowing in contempt and more irate than ever coming back to work. Yesterday, I decided I would need to make a change if I wanted to spend more time vacationing than stuck in front of a computer in an office for the rest of my life. Hence, my list of goals..which were rudely interrupted.

THINGS I'D LIKE TO DO

Open up a shop

Write a book

Travel MORE

Get fit

Volunteer abroad

Stop procrastinating (now)

Shut up behind me. I'm going to kill you. Can't you see I'm writing nonsense just so I don't have to [pretend] listen to you? You are the most annoying person I've ever encountered. Leave me alone. I just want to go online and research cheeses, you son of a bitch.

GAHHHH.

I'm a little on edge, and would rather be on the beach as I was last week, so please, sir, shut the hell up before I slap you.

ANTICIPATING.

2010-05-06T10:55:00.000-07:00

Next week is the celebration of my birth, although I'm the only one who likes to revel in the festivities for myself. Lucky for me, the boyfriend decided to join me in commemorating this day by letting me know that he had a trip planned for us. (WOOPWOOP). The destination is unknown, and I'm just excited to get off of work for a week, that I could care less where we went. The backyard would be fine with me =).

From the hints I've managed to ascertain, I've learned we are going somewhere:
1) Warm.
2) Sandy.
3) Nice.

Leaves my imagination frolicking. This is what I'm envisioning.

Riding a white stallion in my underwear would put the icing on the cake. Thanks bub, Thanks.

via: knightcat
via: fashiongonerogue

BIKER BUB.

2010-05-05T08:13:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I forget to tell le boyfriend I appreciate everything he does. Moreover when he lets me know that he REALLY DOES listen to me ranting about the next obscure thing im completely into. And even moreso when he leaves me suprises when I come home from work. ::TADAAA:: My new favorite handstitched badass vest. I hope his birthday present to me comes with a loud engine....and rhymes with "BHOG". *hint hint*.

HAPPYJOY: 050410

2010-05-04T18:23:00.000-07:00

My sister and I went on a housewarming spree for each of our places. This mug and the rest of his friends somehow made it back to my place. The little things are the best.

ON THE ADVENT OF ENTERTAINMENT.

2010-04-27T15:02:00.000-07:00

Dudebro, I have a problem. And I can't stop. It wasn't always like this. I could go for days, weeks, months without even thinking about it, but now, NETFLIX has taken over my life. (or at least the past 2 hours of it).

I started off protesting the contaption of a television. Partly, because I had no choice. My then roommate didn't "believe" in those. We didn't even have internet. I'd have to crouch out onto my fire escape and hopefully catch a signal from the upstairs apartment. I'd watch the crackheads try to climb up our gate, then fall. Over and over again, until the cops came. That was how I got online.

Then, I finally reclaimed my tv from my parent's house to my boyfriend's place and we he merrily watched UFC on choice evenings.

Now, we have our own place together. Not only do we have a tv, we indulged in getting Direct TV. With HD. watch out now. Suprisingly, we got bored of the 400 channels with nothing on them, and since then toyed with the idea of Netflix. I hesistated and withdrew, but those freaking red ads incessantly crept up in my spam. (I read my spam from time to time just for kicks). Now, I'm addicted.

I haven't even received my first movie yet, and I have 50 others on queue. I don't even have time to watch them all, but for some reason, I feel like I have a lot of catching up to do. Thousands of DVDs, and so many categories to browse. I can't stop. They got me. Once I put a DVD in my queue, they schemingly throw a pop-up window in my face. "Based on your selection, MOVIES YOU'LL LOVE".

They've even profiled my tastes:
DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY DRAMA
CEREBRAL ROMANCE
POLITICAL DOCUMENTARIES
FOREIGN QUIRKY COMEDY

I never even knew I was a fan of "Cerebral Romance". WTH is that? Either way, I'm doomed.

SORRY.

2010-04-27T10:07:00.000-07:00

Dear Mr. Carlos Santana,

I apologize sincerely for bum-rushing your security guard man this morning. I was in such a hurry to exit the elevator that I did not know you would happen to be there. Let alone in my office building. Or in San Francisco. Or in real life. I sincerely apologize on behalf of my fumbling imbecility. You make me nervous. Please don't write a song about this.

Sincerely,

Ivy

PS: My affinity for banging bongos was inspired by you.

SUNDAY.

2010-04-25T22:43:00.000-07:00

Spent the day with the babies baking rice krispies, enjoying salmon sandwiches, riding bikes in the park, swinging from the trees, picking artichokes, and eating sprinkles. Love it.

PICNICKING.

2010-04-25T22:23:00.000-07:00

Enjoyed a picnic at Golden Gate park with the family. Super nice weather, oysters, shrimp, cheese, unagi, salad, baguettes, watermelons, and more. Nothing could've been better. Except maybe if the ghetto party next to us didn't set up a dj booth and start obnoxiously playing "Sliding Down the Pole" while my parents were trying to enjoy the scenery & a glass of wine.

Yea, that could've been better.

CUPCAKERS.

2010-04-25T22:04:00.000-07:00

It was my friend's baby boy's birthday last week, and I decided I wanted to try my hand at baking. I might have discovered a new favorite hobby.

happy 5th birthday jacob!

&&&.

2010-04-14T11:45:00.000-07:00

The boyfriend and I have been searching for something to grace our barren white walls with at home. He wants this, I want that. I finally found the perfect compromise. He likes fonts. I like punctuation. Voila.
AMPERSAND TYPOGRAPHY.
Life can now resume.

Via: KeepCalmGallery
Via: DesignSponge

L'éclair géant au chocolat.

2010-04-12T15:44:00.001-07:00

WHAT'S YOURS IS MINE.

2010-04-11T23:01:00.000-07:00

The boyfriend scored this on ebay for himself. Thanks, boyfriend, for having amazing taste. And for working so hard and rewarding yourself with toys that I play with when you're busy and unassuming.
xoxox.

$5 FRIDAYS.

2010-04-11T22:45:00.000-07:00

Last Friday, Lulu and I had lunch over some breasts and thighs. We went to Gold Club for lunch and had amazing buffet lunch, (which honestly has the best fried chicken ever). It was nice catching up, exchanging ideas, talking about relationships, alexa chung, enneagrams, and black transvestites in performing arts. Amidst boobs and thongs. We were the only women there fully clothed, but nonetheless, we still had a great time. Amidst boobs and thongs.

ON MY HONOR

2010-04-05T10:07:00.001-07:00

...I will try...to save all my money for JCrew Fall 2010. I was a girl scout until the ripe ol age of 7. Then I quit because I didn't want to wear the gross green uniform that the junior scouts had to wear. I was quite accustomed to my brown vest, brown skirt, and brown knee high socks. They matched my red rimmed coke bottle glasses. My lack of enthusiasm for the scouts didn't upset my mom too much, since it gave her a break from selling MY cookies to her antagonizing co-workers. Tit for tat.

On another note, HOLY CAMOLY...I REALLY want all of these pieces. I want winter to stay now. "Edie Beale goes to Girl Scout camp." You go Jenna Lyons, You Go.

via: style.com

HOME SWEET HOME.

2010-04-04T23:18:00.000-07:00

It comes but once every few months, but every time I get the chance to go home, I can't wait. I heart my family, and I heart eating. I heart that being with my family means that all we do is eat. And laugh. All day long. Good times are too short.

HAPPYJOY:033010 + INSPIRATION

2010-03-30T10:20:00.000-07:00

I follow Drea's site religiously, and everytime, I let out a laugh or an "Amen". This morning, she put a smile on my face and warmed my heart. She is amazing. Follow her and her son's story about battling childhood cancer. You really never know anyone until you walk a mile in someone else's shoes. Even then can you fathom only a fraction of their greatness.

"In the pediatric oncology world, every birthday is more than a milestone; it's a spectacular celebration for surviving so far in the battle against your own life. As his mother, I've since been dedicated to stand beside him the entire way.

So for my Arie's 3rd birthday, I want to raise money for Neuroblastoma research for The Band of Parents Foundation in Arie's name. As most of you may already know, monetary donations are what keeps clinical trials and experimental discoveries possible and thriving. Without these new treatments, children with cancer would not be even able to celebrate a 3rd, 11th or 18th birthday with their families".

Donate to Arieson's book.
via: darlingchuck

HAPPYJOY: 032610

2010-03-26T09:29:00.000-07:00

HAPPYJOY: 032610
"Whenever God closes one door, he always opens another, even though
sometimes it's hell in the hallway"

HAPPYJOY: 032410

2010-03-24T13:40:00.000-07:00

Not a bad gig.

HAPPY JOY: 031910

2010-03-19T13:24:00.000-07:00

Besides the fact that it's a beautiful day outside, my happy joy stems from my devoted friend, Roz. At approximately, 11:10am I got a call from the woman.

ME: HALLOOO!
ROZ: HEY. Tell me what this is. BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BA RUMM. DO ROOT. DO ROOT. DOO.
ME: hmm. DO ROOT DO ROOT.
ROZ: Yea! What is it cause I can't google what you just said.
***
ME: I CAN.
(*Googling)
ME: NU SHOOZ!
ROZ: Yes! K. Bye.
ME: bye.

HAPPY JOY: 031910

D.I. WHY?

2010-03-18T22:05:00.000-07:00

Not sure if it was the turkey meatloaf, or the zinfandel. Or the culmination of the former and listening to Lil Wayne all night. The thought of making a Native American headdress came to mind, and I got to it. Besides, I had hella spare feathers lying around the house. After burning myself with the glue gun, getting feathers permanently stuck to my sweatpants, and making an awful mess, I finished my homemade headdress. I tried it on, and decided I really couldn't walk out in public looking like that, so I put it down.

But, Mary Kate seemed to take a liking to it.

Even Risa Hirako.
Lady Gaga had thought it was the business too.

The boyfriend really needs to stop working so late and come home. My productivity is at an all time low.

HAPPY JOY.

2010-03-18T11:28:00.001-07:00

I rode the cable car to work this morning after a visit to the doctor's office. The cable car operator guy man tried yelling to me over the loud scraping of gears and tracks, "YOU'RE PRETTY. LIKE BEYONCE."

Taken aback, I didn't know what to say. So I took it as a sexual jeer and got off at the next stop. Even though work was still 5 blocks down a 90 degree hill. Then I thought to myself, "Can I be the next AZN BEYONCE?" It put a little pep in my step, and that became my happy joy for the day.

HAPPY JOY: 031810

hey girl heyyyyy

HAPPY BIRTHDAY QUEEN.

2010-03-18T08:30:00.000-07:00

Happy birthday to my favorite actress-rapper, Queen Latifah.
Someday I want to be just like you.

via: afrobella

HAPPYJOY.

2010-03-17T10:34:00.000-07:00

For a majority of my blog, I've unleashed the insanities of my job, my day, my instabilities, and empirically, it was my place to vent. I should give it a little balance. Get my shakras titillated. From this point forward, I'm starting a HAPPY JOY post. Pictures, quotes, mangled extremities that incite a smile on my face. Hey, whatever makes me happy doesn't have to make everyone ELSE happy. The End.

HAPPY JOY:031710

via anthonyearlsmith

WIENER.

2010-03-17T09:21:00.001-07:00

On the side, I take on like 36 million jobs. One of my favorites is writing food/bar/resto reviews on Metrowize. As a food writer, I'm expected to do research 99% of the time, and write the rest of the way. I don't mind the research as much; it's the 10 pound increase I see quarterly that bothers me. I digress. Anyhow,during my morning blog roll, I came across this. Surprisingly, I haven't written up Zog Dog yet, and they're just down the block from where I work. They are good, but I can't say they're the best. (I'll leave that to Crif Dogs in NYC.) *miam miam.

They are quite witty however. I suggest trying the "Prop 8". (2 Wieners in 1 bun).

ICE ICE BABY.

2010-03-15T17:50:00.001-07:00

This Weekend:
1. Managed to kidnap the Boyfriend from the Office for the weekend
2. Couldn't manage to get him to stop working
3. Got stuck on snowy roads for 8 hours turning a 3 hour trip into a nightmare
4. Tore off the undercarriage of our car trying to tackle a snow-covered driveway
5. Attempted to shovel a snow covered driveway with a spoon.
6. Failed.
7. Made bulgogi, jap chae, kalbi, and banchan last for a whole weekend.
8. ~~Went~~ Fell down my first Black Diamond.
9. Cursed the mountain as my quads burned a mighty burn.
10. Pulled ice out of my underwear while waiting for everyone else to finish boarding
11. Wining and dining in front of the fire
12. Watched the most dreadful Pacquiao fight to date.
13. Ate banchan and beer for breakfast.
14. Made the boyfriend model for an outdoorsy photoshoot
15. Had a great time with good friends.

FREAK OUT.

2010-03-15T15:58:00.000-07:00

After a day of freaking out at the office over nothing and everything, I'm taking it upon myself to leave the office on a more positive note. So I will stop working as of now.

A series of inspiration to bring me up and lift a little higher. Enter KEITH DAVIS YOUNG.

via (not)commonpeople

OFFICE RAGE.

2010-03-15T11:20:00.000-07:00

My computer at the office is from 1993, and running a mile an hour. I just want to throw it out the window. (If I had one.)

asdkjfhlasdukyfamswbf,ajkdfhasdfafsdfasdf.

P.S.
asdkfjhaslfh
a,skdjfhlaksdhfilasdfadgg
asdkjfhlaskdfhlaisdfyasf
asdkfhlaksdfhoa8ysfajkng.kanldiosufhy546
+978656646
765464654797sfakjshdfliayfiahdfkjalsidufylasjdfn.
*deep breath

POOR PLANT.

2010-03-15T10:19:00.000-07:00

There's a plant in the office that sits above my desk. It belongs to one of the guys at work. He said it was a present from his ex-wife, so naturally it was neglected when I got here. I decided to usurp care for the poor thing, and realized it was no ordinary plant. I have yet to actually figure out the species, but in the meantime, I like to call him, "Dale". On Monday mornings, I come in to see Dale looking like he's dead. Droopy, sad, and rotting at the edges. Much like myself. I give him a little pep talk and some bottled water, and by Friday, he's bright, green, and standing tall as can be. Much like myself. Dale is a strange one.

Not sure if this is scientifically possible, but Dale here assumes my disposition every single day. In fact, I discovered something amazing today. Dale let out a little bloom. I asked the guy who gave up on Dale what that meant. He said, sometimes when plants feel like they're going to die, they feel the need to reproduce and leave their mark, in case they really do die out. Huh. Now again, I don't know how much of that is scientific fact, but Dale was onto something. Much like myself.

I need to pump out a bloom before I give up. Just one. At least. Thanks, Dale. You know exactly how I feel.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AL. AGAIN.

2010-03-07T09:50:00.000-08:00

So lucky for me, my boyfriend's birthday necessitates celebration during the entire week. Friday was debauchery of Maker's Mark and death metal karaoke at Benders, which was far removed from any appropriate material to post. Saturday, on the other hand, was much more content friendly, and definitely worthwhile. I decided to take him to Napa for a day, along with our good friends, Cathy & Dave. We headed up to The Hide House, where le boyfriend had a ball going through the endless rows of hides and leathers from every animal you could think of, dyed in every color imaginable. I thought it would freak me out, but I got carried away too, and will soon have a new leather bag in pigskin, with a coat made outta camel, and a wallet out of pony hair.

Rummaging through dead animal skins worked up our appetites, so we headed over to Hog Island Oyster Bar, feasted on dozens of sweetwaters, and even went to Pica Pica Maize Kitchen and indulged in chorizo+cheese cachapas, and pulled pork arepas. Of course, we were gluttons and still got a few minis from Kara's Cupcakes.

Headed over to Joseph Phelps Vineyards, where we tasted to our heart's content, and savored the view. Next stop was Frank Family Vineyard, where we tasted champagnes and sparkling wines to cleanse the pallet before dinner.

Enjoyed an amazing 4 course prix fixe at Thomas Keller's Ad Hoc....

Made the short ride back home and called it a night. A good night.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALEX

2010-03-03T08:10:00.000-08:00

You stud muffin, You.

FRUIT BOOT.

2010-02-28T21:16:00.000-08:00

For some reason, I really (really) got into the Olympics this time around. Particularly the speed skating, hockey, and figure skating. Almost got as excited as when I was a kid watching them and putting tallies next to my homemade 'USA' medals chart. (Yes, I really made one). Anyhow, I got really hyped after watching the female figure skating that I decided to round up the little ones and have a go on the ice. My triple axles are flawless. Watch out Kim Yu-Na. Watch out.

(Being SO good at skating pooped me out.)

GETTIN DOWN TO BUSINESS.

2010-02-26T08:15:00.000-08:00

It's Friday.

MOTIVATION.

2010-02-25T14:31:00.000-08:00

Dreams, come true already, why don't you?
Ivy wants a house. With pretty things inside. And weathered floors + chipping white paint. That's all.

EXCELlent.

2010-02-24T11:02:00.000-08:00

I volunteered to take an advanced Excel Course today because:
1) My company paid for it.
2) I don't have to go into the office today.
3) I can use a refresher on Pivot Tables and Concatenation.
4) I don't have to go in the office today.
5) I don't have to go into the office today.

As of 11:06AM today, our IT instructor was suffering from extreme hot flashes and decided to leave us. We got a new instructor who was pen tool happy. Every sheet looked like this. ("click""="dick"). Perhaps I'm immature. Perhaps. I can safely say I didn't learn anything.

I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE.

2010-02-19T16:49:00.000-08:00

My buddy Lulu turned me onto this blog and I must say, it eerily resembles my own corporate debauchery and incessant complaining. I had to repost this story, because I love her intonation and style. Especially her usage of, "fucktards". Classic.

"What Have You Learned From Your Time As An Assistant"

From: The Company Bitch

In the course of the polite conversation everyone wants to have when they find out you’re leaving your job, one of my co-workers just asked what I've learned from my time as an assistant.

After I only half-jokingly reminded him that I am/was an ASSOCIATE, I was left with nothing to say. Had I learned anything from my time as an assistant/associate?

My co-worker laughed at the intense, confused expression on my face as I struggled to come up with something. He offered, “When I was an assistant I learned that hand cream prevents paper cuts.”

“Yeah…” I thought for a bit more. “I’ve got nothing.”

He seemed amused but the incident actually disturbed me in a small way.

In college I learned tons of practical, useful things such as: how to straighten my hair, sleeping with just a comforter and no sheet is really the way to go, mixing Kool Aid powder with straight vodka before putting it a bowl and calling it punch will make people vomit at a party. And the list goes on.

I haven't been able to come up with anything practical that I've learned by working as an assistant. Aside from that a lot people are fucktards, which I don't think really counts. You?

Posted by gotcha at 4:43 PM

Phenomenal. And so close to home.

HAPPY FRIDAY.

2010-02-19T08:50:00.000-08:00

It's a happy day since it's Friday. I had a 2-day work week since I went with Le Boyfriend to the tradeshows in Vegas, and though more gruesome and grueling, much better than sitting under fluorescent lights and burning my eyeballs in front of a computer screen. I just burned my eyeballs on the wretched sparkled t-shirt/denim lines that were everywhere. Who needs that much ugly on at ONE time??? ANYHOW, it's good to be home and it's good to be here. Being there just reminded me how much harder I need to work, so that soon I can buy disposable shoes. Starting with these. Happy Friday. Happy Happy. Happy Happy.

via: needsupply

vaLAntines.

2010-02-16T15:16:00.000-08:00

Le boyfriend and I decided to go on a Valentine's roadtrip this past weekend. Lots o' Kogi, Lot's o'Vintage, Lot's o'wilderness, Lot's o'driving, Lot's o'lovin, Lot's o'fun.

WALK LIKE A LADY.

2010-02-12T09:41:00.000-08:00

This morning, I hobbled to the train in a hurry and heard that awful "clacking" noise my heels make when it's time to take them to the cobbler. I swear I just got these done a month ago and now everyone can hear me a mile away. I thought to myself and wondered if it was my weight that crushed the bottoms of my heels into the ground. I have been eating more butter sticks as of late. Or maybe it was the way I walked. The boyfriend accuses me of walking pigeon-toed, my sister says I walk like a man, my buddy says he can spot me 5 blocks down because of "the way I walk". Is it really that bad??

In either case, I decided to take a few pointers. So I found this. It really validated my insecurities, since I'm sure whoever made this tutorial is:
1) a man.
2) bow-legged (or is it bone-legged? I never knew)
3) walks so slow, I wouldn't get anywhere if I took her(m)'s advice.

SLUTTY STREETWEAR.

2010-02-10T08:32:00.000-08:00

I received this email this morning, and couldn't help but conjure a multitude of ideas to launch if we were to go ahead and do this. Scissors, Bombs, Diamonds, Paper Planes, Cupcakes in all-over print on your panties. For men. Hmmm...I think we may have something here. Don't steal my idea.

*Don't mind the "Understanding Horse Behavior" ad in my search bar. It's all business related. I swear.

***EDIT
Boss replied:

HORN-Y.

2010-02-09T08:13:00.001-08:00

Time to buy or DIY?
via:beachblack

TOOT MY FLUTE.

2010-02-06T10:57:00.000-08:00

Last night, we went to go check out Tim Barsky at the Brava Theater in the Mission. I conducted my foregoing research on this Barsky guy, because to be honest, I had never heard of "Jewish fluteboxing" before. Moreover, a jewish fluteboxer narrating a story about a mass transit tour of the afterlife. Hmm. The reviews were glowing and yet, I was still skeptical. Hip hop undertones were hinted at in the performance reviews, and to my recollection the last hip hop show I ever went to was in college. That was my underground-down-for-my-people-kangol-wearing-proletariat-loving-(real)-fist-pumping stage. My interests have inevitably changed. (I think).

Anyhow, to say the least, the show was breathtaking. I forgot there were elements of "hip hop" incorporated, (not that there's anything wrong with that), but honestly, it was just compelling. And mindblowing. The story telling was imaginative and organic beyond description, and the cello...oh the Cello. Blew me away. The cellist was so sensual he lulled my eyes closed and tempted me lust after the notes. The syntax and tonality of Barsky's delivery was captivating and emotional. The content was wayward and intelligent. asdlkfjasdjf. So I'm romanticizing the show more than I should, but I really did have an amazing time. I need to start learning the Cello. (If I can find one that's not equivalent to my height.) I'm a fan.

TELL ME THAT AGAIN.

2010-02-05T15:31:00.000-08:00

once more, please.
via: woolgathering&miscellany

PUNY MUNI.

2010-02-05T08:07:00.000-08:00

Dear Mr. Newsom,

This is a complaint letter. I would like you to know that I'm very upset with our Municipal transit system. This morning, my train was late, and it was unbelievably crowded. I kept getting slammed into an older Chinese woman, and her drawn-on eyebrows were not happy. If such a legislation were passed that I were allowed to rub them off and paint happy eyebrows on her as a dutiful citizen would, it may not have bothered me as much. But, it doesn't stop there. Upon arrival at West Portal station, we were told to get off since they were rerouting the train to Balboa Park. So the crammed people had to get off and join the other hundreds crowded at the station anticipating an inbound train.

Then a jankier train came along, and all of a sudden we were cattle herding on. I'm suprised Muni officials haven't adopted the tradition of packing commuters on the train with a pole. Now, I was cuddling with FiDi armpits. And those are the most stressful ones. Mind you, I have a gym bag on my shoulder, and a 20 pound handbag hanging at the bend of my elbow, while teetering on heels. This is most inconvenient for me. Please reconsider your budget allocation strategies. You should leave the bums alone. Your course of action to rehabilitate over 2500 bums, and house them should be last in priority. I don't mind them so much. The crackhead outside my building is most complacent. Actually quite coherent when he's not strung out. I like him there, shooting up in my trash dumpster. Not in a subsidized housing project nicer than my market priced apartment. He's like an ornament to the tree that is my home. Leave Willie be.

Please redirect your focus on the Muni system. My morning commute is hard enough. I don't enjoy waking up when it's still dark and having to wait endlessly to NOT get a seat on the train. I would drive, but now you're thinking of extending parking meter hours past 6pm. You are NOT maintaining my mobility as I'd like. I'm not a satisfied citizen. I used to like you. But now, not so much. Please do something promptly, and my personal approval rating of you may rise to 14%.

XOXO,

Ivy Rosas.

SHALLOW AMUSEMENT.

2010-02-04T16:16:00.000-08:00

Retarded things brighten my day.

via: thehundreds

CHATTY CATHY.

2010-02-04T11:04:00.000-08:00

I have an EXTREMELY annoying co-worker. He's sitting behind me as I type. He's talking to me even though he sees I'm frantically typing my irritation away. He's still talking. He's answering his own questions to me. WHY WONT HE SHUT UP?

EVERYDAY he asks me how I'm doing 500 times a day. I tell him, "shitty."

EVERYDAY he tells me how he's been trying to see Avatar at the Metreon for the past 2months, but everytime he goes, it's sold out. I tell him he's a liar.

EVERYDAY he tells me everyday about how he signed up for Bay to Breakers, and the registration fee was out of this world. I tell him, most people could care less about registering. He retorts back saying, "Well, those folks WONT get a free t-shirt, or a record time."

EVERYDAY he tells me how he lost 5 pounds in 1 year. I tell him that's not really progress.

EVERYDAY he talks about the same thing over and over. I ignore him. He continues to talk.

EVERYDAY, I sharpen my paperclips.

HE WONT STOP TALKING. WHAT ELSE CAN I DO? (BESIDES PUT HIM IN AN ARMBAR). I need advice.

PLAYING DIRTY.

2010-02-03T09:24:00.000-08:00

At 9:04 this morning, I kicked myself in the head, because Gilt Fuse decided to prance into my inbox and alert me that Jeffrey Campbell was going to be on sale at 12pm EST. Alkjasdfin. How could I have forgotten?! I quickly rolled up my sleeves and entered the trenches. I scrolled with fury, down down down, until I found something that triggered my "Add to Cart" reflexes. PW Over The Knee Boots that I passed up in October...on SALE! I clicked like a maniac and let out a sigh of relief once I saw the glorious size 6 was still available. I hit "BUY NOW", and I get slapped with the message:

BLASTED. I am hit. But not defeated. I employ a tactic that is gruesome, but notably effective. I opt to hold ransom.

I hold on to these babies for 7 minutes encounting. If that beezy who has my knee hi's in a 6 wants these, she's gonna have to let go of mine.

...To be continued.

ARTSY FARTSY.

2010-02-02T12:57:00.000-08:00

Le Babe and I went to Japantown the other day to pick up a few magazines (and also so I could pick up some Hello Kitty refrigerator magnets. An imperative buy.) While we were there, dozens of kids were dressed up as their fave anime character. We didn't know what the occassion was, but I pointed to them and shouted, "Babe, look! It's a Ganja festival". I really meant, Manga festival, but I also suffer from self diagnosed dyslexia.

These kids looked crazy. I recognized more characters than I was proud to admit, and Le Babe suggested we go to Blick so that I could put some of my wayward energy and ideas to good use. He suggested I "create" my own characters and nurture the artist within. I agreed, until we actually went to blick and realized that my artist within would need major money to purchase sheets of plywood. $24.99 per sheet, to be exact. I would need at least 10 of those to create my "Monster Space Olive". Until then, I shall relish in the beauty that really is creative art. Behold, Sasha Pivavorova...*sigh*

via fashiongonerogue

DIESEASES.

2010-02-02T08:13:00.000-08:00

I dropped my phone on the Muni this morning. Typically, it wouldn't be a big deal, however this morning I was sitting on the inside seat, and my phone fell under the guy in front of me. I tried to reach it with my hand, but it forced my body to contort in a way that my ass was rubbing against the guy sitting next to me. Not cute. So I attempted to contort the other direction, against the window. Still, no luck due to the sad length of my Asian arms. Then, I tried using my foot to usher it back to my possession. Mind you, my Asian legs are just as short as my Asian arms. I was practically lying down trying to scootch my phone over to my direction. The guy sitting next to me must have been amused by solid attempts, because I caught him staring at me while trying to hold his newspaper up as a decoy. Finally, SUCCESS.

Unfortunately, when I picked it up, it was covered in a brownish soot. I almost gagged at the thought of what particles of disease my phone now inherited. Moreover, it was now marinating in poop, piss, and crack. It shouldn't bother most people, but I, on the otherhand suffer from an extreme case of obsessive compulsive disorder, partnered with a mild reverence for hypochondria. This self-diagnosis, has in turn left me deathly afraid of the world that surrounds me. I can partly attribute my condition to growing up with a nurse for a mother. Every ailment was assessed, and my mother's prognosis would often point to the empirical truth that I was going to nonetheless, die.

Paper cut: "You're going to die."
My first period: "You're going to die."
Sniffles: "You're going to die."

For the most part, I believe she meant well. She was watching out for me, and made sure I knew to take good care of myself. In fact, as the years went on, and I became a teenager, my father heeded my mother's advice to me, and actually began to use this tactic as well.

"If you have sex...You're going to die. So don't do it."

DOT.

2010-02-01T16:37:00.000-08:00

i hate that time of month when my womanly parts force me to gorge on anything and everything around me. today it was a strawberry protein shake, roasted turkey and carrots, minestrone soup, a banana, an apple, a snack size york peppermint pattie, loads of green tea, and loads of water. im only halfway through the day and my insides are still gnawing at my gastrointestinal lining.

i rummaged desperately through my purse for a morsel of nourishment, only to find half of a 2day old ham and yogurt cheese sandwich wrapped in a soggy paper towel and bits of lint. is it wrong that i only gave it .23 seconds of thought and a quick brush off before throwing it into my gap?

don't judge me. or else.

LESBIHONEST.

2010-01-29T08:25:00.001-08:00

This morning, everyone was conducted off the L train onto the K train, which, in turn, ceased to act like a train. Everyone was packed on like refugees and I got shoved, tousled, and hurled until I managed to snag an inch of an arm bar space to grab a hold of. I grabbed on, then she grabbed on. It was slightly awkward because both of us were holding on the middle of the bar, when there was tons of bar to go around. Then her fingers touched mine. AWKWARD. So I moved my hand down the bar. And so did she. AWKWARD. So I moved my hand up the bar. And so did she.

I nonchalantly turned my head away but kept my eyes on our hands. I moved up and down and she followed. Restless, after 4 stops I decided to give in, and quit playing hard-to-get. I stayed in the middle. And so did she. I gave her the once over and thought she was cute. Not hot, according to my standards, but cute. Being cute gets you places. So, I let her cop a feel of my knuckle.

I'm a slut, I know.

...

2010-01-28T23:07:00.001-08:00

can i have you?

*this is the point in my night when i consider starting a tumblr for nonsensical ramblings.

R.I.P. J.D. SALINGER.

2010-01-28T22:26:00.000-08:00

"You take somebody that cries their goddam eyes out over phoney stuff in the movies, and nine times out of ten they're mean bastards at heart." (Catcher in the Rye)

Mr. Salinger, you had me pegged.

R.I.P. J.D. Salinger January 1, 1919-January 27, 2010

LAUNDRY.

2010-01-28T21:15:00.001-08:00

This morning I realized I was down to my LAST pair of Hello Kitty socks, and decided it was time to face the inevitable...laundry day. I loathe this day for several reasons.

1. My laundry bag exceeds my body weight.
2. I am subjected to carrying this cumbersome bag down (and up) a 90 degree slope San Franciscans refer to as "hills".
3. My laundromat does not offer wi-fi.

I would opt for laundry service, but I'm cheap (& broke). So, I have no choice. I entertained myself with the book I've been relentlessly reading since the inception of time, but could never get myself to finish until tonight, In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto. I was fully engaged by the effect of a plant-based diet on plasma lipids in hypocholesterolemic adults, when something whizzed by me and caught me off guard.

...a little Chinese girl on heelies. She went round and round the laundromat, running for a head start, then rolling past the laundry carts. I just watched her and realized that I used to be that little dork. I used to think I was the coolest thing with wheels under my shoes. What a nerd. So glad things have progressed.

I shook my head, wiped my snot, and went back to tickling myself with the deleterious effects of ethoxylated diglycerides and partially hydrogenated soy oils.

MOVING ON UP.

2010-01-27T16:01:00.000-08:00

I have a tendency to curse myself and wonder why I'm not where I want to be in life at the age of twenty-X. Then I spend even more wasteful time wondering how I could have wasted so much time wasting time. Last night, I went to dinner with a friend and we had quite the socratic discussion about achieving goals beginning at age twenty-X. We talked about the fears of success, and the fears of failure. We readjusted our philosophies of nature and vowed to reinvent our human adaptations to best attack the societal condition of prevailing the rat race.

Then, I thought to myself. WTF am I complaining about? I'm doing so much better than I give myself credit for. Way better. At the ripe age of 15, I was working at Jamba Juice as the human strawberry passing out samples of Peach Passion on the street while successfully evading oncoming traffic. (I wasn't qualified to be the human banana, since I didn't fully fit the costume, as it was a standard fit for employees 5'2 and above). So in retrospect, I suppose I am moving on up.

LES QUATRE CENTS COUP.

2010-01-26T13:37:00.000-08:00

why i didnt notice my mouth was open and my face was plastered with an awe filled expression is beyond me.

MOTIVATION.

2010-01-25T14:38:00.000-08:00

must. get. myself. overseas. now.

via: thehundreds

MYTHBUSTING.

2010-01-25T08:25:00.000-08:00

recently, i read an article about a study that was conducted recruiting college students and measuring their capacity to absorb (& retain) information whilst inebriated. students performed much better on comprehension tests after studying under the influence, but couldn't recollect that same information when sober.

i decided to test that same theory out on saturday night. we went to doc's clock, enjoyed several rounds of olympia, and then my scientific experiment ensued. i asked everyone (that i came with) to write their name with their opposing strong hand after a few cans. alex obviously quenched his thirst as he successfully scribed his name backwards. literally.

turns out, regardless of the state of mind, i'm still pretty bad at exercising my right hemisphere.

myth: accomplished.

FASTCAT.

2010-01-20T22:05:00.000-08:00

le babe won't allow me to have a pony. not even a mini one, for me to strap a tiny saddle on and trot around the living room. i suppose this will do.

i had my heart set on this jaguar-cycle, but after watching it's "maiden voyage", it kinda looks....non-hetero.

THX THX THX.

2010-01-19T11:49:00.001-08:00

One of my favorite blogs, thx thx thx, has inspired me to be more positive and thankful for even the most menial things. For example,

I am thankful that my right eye is bloodshot today. It makes me look like a crazy monster and therefore keeps annoying co-workers at bay. I also get to frequent the term, "pink-eye", which has resulted in no one bothering me thus far. So THANK YOU bloody red eye, for keeping this a quiet Tuesday for me at the office. Keep up the good work, and keep bulging out of my socket. Your effectiveness is notable.

Xoxo,

Ivy

HANGTOWN.

2010-01-18T15:58:00.001-08:00

this weekend, we opted to go back to tahoe in hopes to hit the slopes, but plans were canceled halfway once a storm hit. we made it almost halfway and decided to stop by Placerville, California. unbeknown to us colored people, it was once called, "Hangtown", as it was THE place to get publicly hanged. we just heard it had amazing antiques, and wanted to take a gander. creepily, they still have the hang platform on their main street. i didn't take a picture for fear of the creepiness that could follow suit. apart from that disturbing historical quip, the town really did have amazing antiques. must go back for a gothic alexander mcqueen skull ring look-alike that i regrettably passed up. =(

HI KICKING.

2010-01-15T08:44:00.000-08:00

every morning i do a series of kicks that get higher and higher until my groin ceases to cooperate. it makes me feel as if im actually partaking in some sort of strenuous exercise, when in actuality, it just annoys my boyfriend in the morning. partly because of my added narrative. with every kick, i say "KICK." and "KICK". and "KICK". anyhow, it's a wonder why he stays with me.

i keep up with it in the hopes that i will reap the benefits come summertime. oh devon u keep me going...

via self service by max farago via fashiongonerogue

BUSINESS UGLY.

2010-01-13T16:23:00.000-08:00

i never thought id find myself working in a corporate environment. nor did i ever want to. but as soon as i found myself unemployed in the midst of a downward market, i had no choice but to put on the "career pants" and get to work. no lie, walk into the financial district and you'll see it. streets lined with those career pants. the ugliest pants ever invented. and its the corporate uniform.

mind you, i wear the same thing everyday: black tights, black skirt, black tank, black cardi, black coat, black scarf, black boots/flats. if by any chance my 30 black skirts are in the laundry, THEN ill put on the career pants. (in black, as well). and i brush my hair now. (long before, i was approached by HR and they advised me that my tousled nappy hair, was far from "business casual"). i also hide my tattoos, removed my piercing(s), and took a shower. i've been doing it everyday thus far, and to say the least...i still HATE it.

im still on that quest to find the courage to do myself. self sustainable, self employed. so i can burn these pants. (solely the reason).

POLAROID=GAGA

2010-01-12T16:15:00.000-08:00

as i was munching on my 342pm mcdouble, i almost forgot to remove my pickles and onions out of amazement and slight envy. lady gaga is now the creative director of polaroid.

"I am so proud to announce my new partnership with Polaroid as the creative director and inventor of specialty projects," said Lady Gaga. "The Haus of Gaga has been developing prototypes in the vein of fashion/technology/photography innovation--blending the iconic history of Polaroid and instant film with the digital era--and we are excited to collaborate on these ventures with the Polaroid brand. Lifestyle, music, art, fashion: I am so excited to extend myself behind the scenes as a designer, and to as my father puts it--finally, have a real job."

*inspiration: if crazies can land real jobs, i surely have a paltry chance.

via: rackedny, ladylikefatlace

SOGGIE CAKES. TENDER BABIES.

2010-01-11T23:12:00.000-08:00

my google-ing for the night did me good. now im addicted to donna summers and the most incoherent depressing hi-energy song ever conceived.

HANNUKAH.

2010-01-11T20:51:00.000-08:00

this is about 3 years too late, but i did want to share how jewyful my holiday season was. i love celebrating multiple sacrosanct partaaays.

LALE.

2010-01-10T23:21:00.000-08:00

Sometimes you just need a break. And 10 days into the new year, it was time for mine. We went to Lale Spa in Rocklin to get a lil R&R and just to enjoy quality time with my Mom and Sissy. Getting your butt rubbed with hot rocks is the business. Too bad they only provide you with regular adult sized robes. Whilst everyone else in the spa walked around comfortably, I, on the otherhand adorned an oversized kimono with a train.

WISHLIST.

2009-12-24T11:48:00.001-08:00

dear santa,

this morning i tried to don a very apropos holiday outfit circumventing my new "thigh-hi's". unfortunately due to my god-given stature, they are now, "butt-hi's". so please santa, please give me longer legs in the new year, and help me make it past 5'1.

sincerely,

ivy.

via: iheartluxe

BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY.

2009-12-23T10:09:00.000-08:00

seeing pretty people makes me happy. even moreso than when i see non-pretty ones. imagine my delight when i came across this cutie. i have a new crush for the new year...siri tollerod....miammiam

via fashiongonerogue

HOMEROOM + LADYLIKE FATLACE HOLIDAY GIVEAWAY

2009-12-17T16:24:00.000-08:00

www.thatsladylike.com

MAZEL TOV.

2009-12-12T21:45:00.000-08:00

its my first hannukah this year. my excitement is hardly containable.

HO HO HOES.

2009-12-10T11:19:00.000-08:00

On Corporate Holiday Functions...

'tis the season when the influx of merry evites infiltrate my inbox, and i get excited for one second, as the thought of free food at restaurants i can never afford arouses my palette. then i retract and my vision gets clouded by drunken corporate douchebags. last nite ignited the first of many corporate holiday parties to come. black tie affair is mentioned, bring a toy for a tot, drink tickets are tucked neatly in your name badge which is promptly asserted to you by another waspy guy who's eyeing you as his next young asian sensation to tote on his arm. (gross). im not a fan, and it's not even worth the $100 ticket (graciously paid for by our company who also initiated a freeze on holiday bonuses in an effort to stay afloat in this wretched market) to get in. why do i go? cause of the prime rib and champagne, of course. and to get a sense of what the rest of corporate america is like. im one of 10 under the age of 40, and one of 3 donning dark hair. and one of hundreds hoarding tiny desserts in her oversized handbag to suffice for the inflated price of the ticket. i'd much rather have an end of year bonus than this crap. its a breeding ground for douchebags and douchebroads alike. but with good food. so tit for tat. (there's very little i will cease to withstand for free food). happy freaking holidays.

BLACK WEEKEND SALE.

2009-11-28T14:38:00.000-08:00

i shoulda posted this on thursday, but i was knocked out with a turkey baby in my belly. and then some.

we're extending our Black Friday sale until tomorrow night, midnight. Check out www.homeroomstore.com for the latest HomeRoom goods. Use coupon code: 10Q. go now.

FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS (out).

2009-11-26T00:14:00.000-08:00

a few fridays back, one of le babe's friends invited us to his new club opening. so new that it was safe to attribute our rancid intoxication on the paint fumes wafting about. mind you, we hardly EVER go to clubs, unless provoked, and mind you, we hardly EVER get this inebriated. off of paint.

LOST IN TRANSLATION.

2009-11-17T11:47:00.000-08:00

my boss was trying to decipher a cryptic phrase in an email, and decided to hand it over to me.
BOSS: what does, "W-O-O-T. W-O-O-T" mean?
ME: this

BOSS: oh.

im quite an asset to this company.

ROUTINE

2009-11-13T16:00:00.000-08:00

i quit you.

MONDAYS.

2009-11-09T08:47:00.000-08:00

SHOPBURGERSNWHISKEY

2009-11-07T21:09:00.000-08:00

one man's trash...

...is another man's SCORE. none of this crap is trash, however, but it may very well become your new treasure.

email me for inquiries: shopburgersnwhiskey@gmail.com

GO NOW.

PAYPAL only. Hello Kitty & Whiskey acceptable in lieu of currency in some cases.

BRAIN FART.

2009-11-07T17:36:00.000-08:00

it's saturday and i locked myself in to study/work on my application essays for school. after 3 hours, my brain stopped and my coffee was depleted. so i needed a break, inspiration, and motivation to keep me from wondering why im putting so much effort into this.... so what did i do? i checked out my rss feed from wall street journal blogs. yes, its one of my subscriptions. filed before, "why the f*** do you have a kid" blog. i hope admissions realizes how diverse my interests are...and i only hope my future classmates will be like these guys. especially, "buck".

BAG LADY.

2009-11-06T08:30:00.000-08:00

(i still REALLY want this, btw.)

I forgot/lost my wallet this morning. Convenient enough that I figured that out once I hopped onto the bus, and scrambled through the contents of my bag, only to find nothing of monetary importance. I found nothing that could possibly deem itself as potential currency to the bus driver man. I shuffled for 2 minutes, and finally looked up at him and showed the useless remnants of my bag. He shook his head and told me to just sit down. Thank god he didn't kick me off, but as I walked past the seated commuters, I got the stink eye. so I walked to the very back where no one's peering eyes could burn me and started my excavation once again. Mind you, my bag is the size of a hockey players equipt bag, and for good measure. i keep my life in my bag. However, not today. My wallet was missing, my itouch was missing, I forgot to bring lunch, and I didn't even have my camera to document. What was in there, made me rethink my diurnal activities. What if someone peered into my bag? What kind of person would they conclude I was? Literally, the contents of my bag are as follows:

LSAT prep book
dull #2 pencil
Hello Kitty planner
hand sanitizer
Hello Kitty band aids (2)
dayquil (& nyquil) capsules
eye drops
spork
ketchup packs (2)
international prepaid phone card
hair tie
12 cents (collectively)
reeses peanut butter cup (1)
gel shoe inserts (2)
napkins (plethora)

From that, one may infer that im a sickly, woman-girl geek who has orthopedic issues due to her weight problem, and has an overseas boyfriend, because only those Taiwanese guys can truly fathom a mature woman's reverence for Hello Kitty.

What a catch I am.

BLACK MAGS.

2009-11-05T13:49:00.001-08:00

can someone show me how to contour?? i really want to know how to get my cheekbones to look like this without giving up my nightly spicy bite hot dog runs at 7-11. help.

via black magazine, fashiongonerogue

MOONSKATES.

2009-11-03T21:33:00.000-08:00

guess who was waiting for me when i came home today???

le babe was not impressed with my new moonskates, as he referred to them. who cares? im SO happy, i'll be stomping in them all night long. in my underpanties.

***on a side note, le babe got a little package in the mail as well...here's a preview of what's to come for HomeRoom's Fall 2010 footwear....i hope the next proto comes in a size 3!

HALLOWEENIE.

2009-11-01T11:38:00.000-08:00

my favorite part is the sale on candies november 1st. the night before was ok, too.

(the love of my life.)

CONFESSIONS OF A MANIAC.

2009-10-30T08:59:00.000-07:00

i think i need to face my addiction. i get unbearably anxious, sweaty past the point of embarrassment, and my hands begin to get the shakes. i bought another pair of shoes this morning. (the alexa's are IN!!)disregard the fact that i am moving in a few days, need new furniture, have yet to put down a deposit, just purchased my LSAT ticket, and might need to eat something the next few weeks til i get paid.

and then i look at the bright side, and the payoff for my apprehension. ill be hovering in 4 inches of omnipotence, so theres no need for me to purchase a couch. god forbid i miss a moment to relish in the stature of these babies. plus, these will definitely complement the black tights/mini dress uniform i plan on living in all winter. dear lord, thunder thighs & cankles don't match that outfit. so sans groceries for a month may do me well. and lastly, the ultimate benefit that jeffrey campbell has blessed upon me: im broke beyond repair, so i must stay in and study for my LSAT. best study guide ever. princeton, take note.

there, i feel a lot better now. let the relapse begin.

HOMEROOM RINGS.

2009-10-29T16:34:00.000-07:00

ive got one. on every two fingers. get yours here.

*for wholesale inquiries: ivy@homeroomclothing.com

INFIDELITY.

2009-10-23T08:50:00.000-07:00

so i was saving my heart (& money) for the jeffrey campbell knock-off acne atacomas....but my eyes wandered, and i cheated. i couldn't wait any longer. and these...well they were just there at the right time, and the right place, at the right (sorta) price. i feel shame for my lack of fortitude and devotion, but the temptation was just too strong. what can i say? it's a girl thing.

these babies are headed to my doorstep in 5-7 business days.

what girl wants 4 inches when they can have 5??

SCOTTIE.

2009-10-22T00:09:00.000-07:00

today was definitely a good day. some nubi after work, then back to downtown to get my paperback signed by he himself, scott schuman, better known for his work as, THE SARTORIALIST. i'm not gonna lie, i lost all shame and let the groupie out. (and this NEVER happens. i could care less if [INSERT HUNK OF THE YEAR HERE] was signing crap.) when my turn came to get my book signed (which will be saran-wrapped tonight), my stomach started churning, and the vein in my forehead started breaching my skin. not cute for pictures. especially if you're going to meet scott schuman. blast, there goes my chance to be in the next book...

anyhow, it was great fun, my blood pressure is back to normal, and i will be sleeping with my autographed book cradled beneath my pillow. GOOD night.

FIDUS ACHAETES.

2009-10-21T16:00:00.000-07:00

*disclaimer: it's that time of month.

i've willfully ostracized myself from all social interaction the past year. call it an experiment, call it overly emo, call it a chance for reemergence, call it trying to regain perspective...call it what you may, i did it, and now im slowly getting the hang of communal interaction once again. i've become awkward in a sense. like re-entering the earth's space-time continuum at an obverse bias, only to find yourself disoriented in another realm. or something like that.

i just miss my friends. my real friends. the ones i can depend on.

i heard this once, and don't kill me for not referencing, bc i am paraphrasing what bits i can recall..."the only people i need in my life are those who need me in theirs".

'nuff said.